When a Romance Scam Becomes a Money Mule Scam: What Families Need to Know
- Team Payton
- Aug 8
- 11 min read
Written by Theresa Payton with support from the Digital Executive Protection Team at Fortalice Solutions
When a Romance Scam Becomes a Money Mule Scam: What Families Need to Know
When someone you love is caught in a romance scam, the financial loss is only part of the story.
The emotional toll can be enormous. Families may watch a parent, spouse, sibling, or other loved one become increasingly secretive, defensive, isolated, or convinced that the person on the other end of the phone truly loves them.
And sometimes the scam evolves.
The person who started by sending loving messages may eventually ask for money. Then they may ask the victim to receive money, deposit checks, open accounts, move cryptocurrency, purchase gift cards, or transfer funds to someone else.
At that point, the victim may unknowingly become what law enforcement calls a money mule—someone who transfers or moves illegally acquired money on behalf of another person.
The FBI notes that some money mules knowingly participate in criminal activity, while others are unaware that they are helping criminals.
That distinction matters.
If you are trying to help a loved one who may be caught in this situation, the goal is not to shame them. The goal is to interrupt the scam, protect them, preserve evidence, and get the right people involved as quickly as possible.
This is the playbook we share with families and clients through our Digital Executive Protection work. We are sharing it here because families should not have to figure this out alone.
First: Understand What You Are Up Against
Romance scams are not simply a case of someone being "too trusting."
Modern scammers are exceptionally good at creating a relationship, building trust, manufacturing urgency, and isolating a target from people who might question the relationship.
The FBI warns that romance scammers may create convincing identities and use emotional manipulation to persuade victims to send money or provide access to financial accounts.
And AI is making deception easier.
Criminals can use AI to create more convincing profiles, messages, photographs, voices, and other fabricated evidence. A person who once relied on awkward grammar or an obviously fake photograph may now encounter someone who appears remarkably polished and believable.
That means families should stop asking:
"How could they possibly believe this?"
A better question is:
"How sophisticated is the manipulation, and how do we safely interrupt it?"
That change in mindset can make all the difference.
What Are the Warning Signs of a Romance or Money Mule Scam?
No single sign proves someone is being scammed. But several changes occurring together should get your attention.
Watch for:
A new online relationship that becomes intense very quickly.
The person refuses or repeatedly postpones an in-person meeting or video call.
The new romantic interest claims to live or work overseas.
Increasing secrecy around phones, computers, finances, or online relationships.
Requests for money, cryptocurrency, gift cards, wire transfers, or "investment" opportunities.
Requests to receive money into a personal bank account and send it somewhere else.
New bank accounts, unusual transfers, checks, packages, or financial activity that the family cannot explain.
Sudden interest in cryptocurrency, digital wallets, international transfers, or unfamiliar financial platforms.
The person begins using language or terminology that seems very different from their normal behavior.
They become defensive when family members express concern.
They begin believing that family members, banks, law enforcement, or advisors are trying to interfere with the relationship.
They are instructed to keep the relationship or financial activity secret.
A particularly serious warning sign is this:
Someone they have never met in person wants to use their bank account to receive or move money.
The FBI specifically warns that someone asking for bank-account information so they can deposit money is likely using that account to facilitate fraud.
Step 1: Don't Start With "You're Being Scammed"
This may be the hardest advice for a worried family member to follow.
Your instinct will be to confront the situation.
"This person is fake."
"They're stealing your money."
"How can you believe this?"
"You're being manipulated."
But humiliation and confrontation can make the situation worse.
The scammer may already have positioned the family as the enemy.
Instead, lead with concern.
Try:
"I love you. I'm worried about your safety. Can we slow this down together?"
Or:
"I don't need you to believe me right now. I just want us to verify some things together."
The objective isn't to win an argument.
The objective is to create enough space for the person to question what is happening.
Step 2: Stop the Money Movement
If money is actively moving, time matters.
Do not send additional funds to the suspected scammer.
If your loved one has been asked to receive or transfer money for someone else, stop those transactions and seek professional guidance.
Contact the victim's financial institution and explain that you believe the account may be involved in fraud or financial exploitation.
Ask the bank's fraud department what immediate protective measures are appropriate.
Depending on the circumstances, that may include:
Reviewing recent transactions.
Placing appropriate alerts or restrictions.
Changing account credentials.
Replacing compromised account information.
Reviewing linked accounts.
Reviewing payment methods.
Discussing whether transactions can be recalled or stopped.
Do not assume the money is gone simply because a transfer occurred.
Contact the financial institution as quickly as possible and ask what recovery options may exist.
Step 3: Preserve Everything
Before deleting the relationship, blocking the scammer, wiping a phone, or resetting devices, preserve evidence.
Create a secure record of:
Emails
Text messages
Social-media messages
Phone numbers
Email addresses
Usernames
Dating profiles
Photographs
Bank records
Wire-transfer information
Cryptocurrency wallet addresses
Transaction receipts
Screenshots
Shipping information
Names and aliases used by the scammer
Dates and times of significant communications
Any instructions the scammer provided
If possible, create a simple timeline.
Who contacted whom? When did the relationship begin? When was money first requested? When did money begin moving? What accounts were involved? What instructions were given?
This information can be extremely useful to banks, law enforcement, attorneys, and other professionals helping the family.
Step 4: Report It
Reporting is important even when you are unsure whether anything will happen immediately.
The information may help investigators connect your loved one's experience to a larger criminal network.
FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center — IC3
The FBI directs victims of romance scams and money-mule scams to report the activity through IC3.gov.
Include as much detail as possible.
Document:
Names and aliases
Phone numbers
Email addresses
Social-media accounts
Dating profiles
Bank accounts
Cryptocurrency wallet information
Transaction details
URLs
Dates
Amounts
Screenshots
Any other information that could help investigators connect the activity to other cases.
Federal Trade Commission — FTC
The FTC also accepts fraud reports through ReportFraud.ftc.gov. The FTC explains that reports can help investigators identify patterns and stop scammers.
Local law enforcement
Contact local law enforcement, particularly if there are concerns about immediate safety, threats, coercion, stalking, financial exploitation, or other criminal conduct.
Ask how they would like the evidence documented and preserved.
Financial institutions
Contact every relevant bank, credit union, payment provider, cryptocurrency exchange, or other financial institution as soon as possible.
Speed can matter when transactions may still be reversible or accounts can still be protected.
Step 5: Consider Identity Protection
If the scammer obtained sensitive personal information, the response may need to go beyond the financial loss.
Consider whether the scammer has obtained:
Social Security numbers
Driver's license information
Passport information
Bank-account information
Credit-card information
Passwords
Security-question answers
Tax information
Medical information
Copies of identification documents
If identity information has been compromised, consider contacting the Identity Theft Resource Center (ITRC). (You can call or email them at 1-888-400-5530 itrc@idtheftcenter.org)
The ITRC is a national nonprofit that provides free, direct assistance to victims of identity crime, scams, and fraud. Its advisors can help victims understand what happened and develop a recovery plan.
The ITRC currently offers assistance by phone, text, and live chat.
Step 6: Bring in Trusted Third Parties
Sometimes the person will listen to someone else before they listen to family.
That person might be:
A trusted attorney
Financial advisor
Banker
Doctor
Clergy member
Close friend
Law enforcement officer
Fraud specialist
Cybersecurity professional
The goal isn't to surround the victim with people telling them they are wrong.
The goal is to introduce credible outside perspectives.
A trusted third party can sometimes create the opening that family members cannot.
Step 7: Use Resources Designed for Victims
Families do not have to navigate this alone.
AARP Fraud Watch Network
The AARP Fraud Watch Network provides free information and support for people who have experienced fraud or are worried about a loved one.
Its Fraud Watch Network Helpline is 877-908-3360, available Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern.
AARP's current romance-scam guidance recommends stopping contact, saving evidence, reporting to local law enforcement and IC3, and contacting the financial institution.
Identity Theft Resource Center
The ITRC provides free, direct assistance to people dealing with identity theft, scams, and identity crime.
Phone/text: 888-400-5530
FBI
The FBI provides information on both romance scams and money-mule schemes and directs victims to IC3 for reporting.
These resources are excellent starting points, and we encourage families to use them.
What About Adult Protective Services?
If the person is an older or otherwise vulnerable adult and there are serious concerns about ongoing financial exploitation, contact your local Adult Protective Services (APS) agency.
APS processes vary by state and locality, check https://www.napsa-now.org/help-in-your-area/ for more information related to where the victim lives.
If you believe the person lacks the ability to safely manage their finances or make certain decisions, speak with an attorney who practices in elder law or the appropriate area of law in your jurisdiction.
Do not assume that a family member can simply take control of another adult's accounts.
Legal authority matters.
Depending on the circumstances, an attorney may discuss options such as powers of attorney, guardianship, conservatorship, or other protective measures.
Be Careful of the "Recovery Scam"
There is another danger families need to know about.
Once someone has lost money to a romance scam, they can become a target for a second scam.
A criminal may contact the victim claiming to be:
A government investigator
A lawyer
A cryptocurrency recovery specialist
A private investigator
A cybersecurity company
A bank representative
A law enforcement official
They promise to recover the lost money—for an upfront fee.
This can be another scam.
The ITRC has even warned about criminals impersonating ITRC advisors and contacting victims who never reached out to the organization.
Be skeptical of anyone who promises guaranteed recovery or demands payment before providing legitimate services.
Verify the organization independently using contact information you find yourself.
What Families Should Do Today
If you believe someone you love is currently caught in a romance scam, start here:
Today
1. Stay calm.
Your loved one needs you to be an ally.
2. Don't send more money.
Stop and verify before any additional transaction.
3. Contact the financial institution.
Ask for the fraud department and explain what happened.
4. Preserve evidence.
Do not delete messages or accounts before documenting them.
5. Report it.
File reports with IC3, the FTC, and appropriate local authorities.
6. Secure compromised accounts.
Change passwords and strengthen authentication where appropriate.
7. Get outside help.
Use AARP, ITRC, law enforcement, attorneys, financial institutions, and other trusted professionals.
8. Watch for a second scam.
Especially anyone promising to recover the money for an upfront payment.
A Note About AI and Romance Scams
There is another reason families need to take these scams seriously in 2026.
The scammer may not be the person—or even the persona—you think you're talking to.
AI can make deception more convincing.
Criminals can potentially use AI to generate:
More convincing messages
Fake photographs
Synthetic voices
Deepfake video
Personalized social-engineering messages
Fake profiles
Translated conversations
Highly targeted financial requests
That doesn't mean every online relationship is suspicious.
It means verification matters more than ever.
A familiar voice is no longer necessarily proof of identity.
A photograph is no longer proof of identity.
A video call is not necessarily proof of identity.
When money, sensitive information, or access is involved, establish a separate method of verification.
The Most Important Thing Families Can Remember
Your loved one isn't the enemy.
The scammer is.
Shame, anger, and embarrassment can isolate victims further—and isolation is exactly what many scammers want.
Lead with love.
Slow things down.
Bring in trusted third parties.
Preserve the evidence.
Stop the money movement.
Report the crime.
And get help.
There is no shame in being targeted by a sophisticated criminal operation.
The shame belongs to the people exploiting trust—not the person whose trust was exploited.
When a Family Needs More Than a Checklist
Sometimes a family needs more than information.
If a high-profile executive, business owner, public figure, or family is facing a complicated situation involving digital exposure, impersonation, financial exploitation, cyber threats, stalking, harassment, or other interconnected risks, the challenge can extend well beyond a single compromised account.
That's where Digital Executive Protection can become part of the solution.
At Fortalice Solutions, our approach brings together cybersecurity, intelligence, risk assessment, digital protection, and human expertise to help protect people—not just devices.
If you're not sure what you're dealing with, that's okay.
Start with a conversation.
Our goal is not to make families afraid. It is to help them understand what is happening, identify the risks, and determine what practical steps can make them safer.
Romance Scams, Money Mules and Digital Executive Protection: Questions Families Ask
What is a romance scam?
A romance scam occurs when a criminal creates or uses a false identity to develop a romantic or emotional relationship with a victim and eventually uses that relationship to obtain money, financial information, personal information, or other benefits.
What is a money mule?
A money mule is someone who transfers or moves illegally acquired money on behalf of someone else. The FBI notes that some money mules know what they are doing, while others are unaware that they are helping criminals.
Can a romance scam victim become a money mule?
Yes. A victim may be manipulated into receiving or transferring money for someone they believe they know or love. The FBI specifically warns about criminals using other people's bank accounts to facilitate fraud.
What should I do if my parent is in a romance scam?
Stay calm, avoid shaming or confronting them aggressively, stop additional financial transactions, contact the relevant financial institutions, preserve evidence, report the scam to IC3 and local law enforcement, and seek support from organizations such as AARP's Fraud Watch Network and the Identity Theft Resource Center.
Should I report a romance scam to the FBI?
Yes. The FBI directs victims of romance scams and suspected money-mule activity to the Internet Crime Complaint Center, or IC3.gov.
How do I report a romance scam to the FTC?
Fraud can be reported through the Federal Trade Commission's ReportFraud.ftc.gov portal. FTC reports help investigators identify patterns and pursue fraud.
What are common romance scam warning signs?
Warning signs can include rapid emotional attachment, requests to move conversations off a dating platform, refusal to meet in person, claims of being overseas, requests for money or cryptocurrency, secrecy, unusual financial transactions, and requests to receive or transfer money for another person.
What should I do if a scammer has my parent's bank information?
Contact the bank's fraud department immediately. Explain that you believe the account or information may have been compromised and ask what protective measures and transaction-recovery options are available.
Should I delete the scammer's messages?
Not before preserving evidence. Save messages, emails, screenshots, transaction records, account information, phone numbers, usernames, and other relevant information before blocking or deleting anything.
Can AI make romance scams harder to detect?
Yes. AI can make fraudulent profiles, messages, images, voices, and other forms of impersonation more convincing and scalable. Families should use independent verification whenever money, sensitive information, or access is involved.
What is a recovery scam?
A recovery scam occurs when someone who knows you have already lost money contacts you and promises to recover it—usually for an upfront fee or access to financial information. Victims should independently verify anyone claiming to represent a government agency, law firm, bank, cybersecurity company, or recovery organization.
Where can families get free help after a scam?
The FBI's IC3 provides a reporting mechanism for internet crime, the FTC accepts fraud reports, AARP's Fraud Watch Network offers free fraud guidance, and the Identity Theft Resource Center provides free direct assistance to victims of identity crime, scams, and fraud.
What is Digital Executive Protection?
Digital Executive Protection is a broader approach to protecting executives, families, and high-profile individuals from interconnected digital, physical, privacy, intelligence, and personal-security risks. It recognizes that a cyber threat, online exposure, impersonation attempt, or financial scam can sometimes create consequences in the physical world.
When should a family consider Digital Executive Protection?
Consider professional assistance when a situation involves a high-profile individual, repeated targeting, significant digital exposure, stalking or harassment, impersonation, threats, compromised accounts, financial exploitation, or risks that cross between the digital and physical worlds.
You Are Not Powerless
If someone you love is caught in a romance scam, take a breath.
You don't have to solve everything today.
Start by protecting the person.
Protect the evidence.
Protect the money.
Bring in trusted professionals.
And remember: being deceived by a sophisticated criminal is not a character flaw.
Criminals deliberately exploit trust, loneliness, fear, love, urgency, and increasingly sophisticated technology.
The right response is not shame.
It is preparation, compassion, and action.
And if your family or organization is facing a situation that requires a more comprehensive Digital Executive Protection approach, Fortalice Solutions is here to help you understand the risk and determine the right next step.
Protect the person. Protect what matters. Keep moving forward.
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